Monday, September 17, 2012

masters of the map

Constitutional reform turns even the strongest man to jelly. Tony Blair was known to switch to 'glazed eyes mode' whenever someone mentioned a policy not related to the important stuff - like academy schools and PFI hospitals and invading Iraq without justification, that sort of thing. Mention 'House of Lords reform' to Blair after the 92 hereditary peers fudge and you might as well have been discussing boot polish.

For David Cameron, constitutional reform was supposed to be over and done with by last Christmas. Help defeat voting reform, stifle the Lords and cover party funding legislation with more grass than you'd find on a teenager's windowsill. Well you don't always get what you want, eh?

In the week we find that 'man of the match' is to be trademarked I wonder what we could come up with for our D-Cam. "You can't always get what you want" seems a bit over blown, even if it is accurate. After all, I genuinely believe he wants to reduce the size of the Commons for good reason and not just partisan advantage. This is the proposal which sees Nadine Dorries' constituency disappear, remember, it's not as though the Conservatives come out of this without some advantage. Anything which might just open the door to the possibility of a new constituency being formed called "Valleys of Ribble and Lune" seems like a ruddy good scheme to me.

(Disclaimer, that might just have been an idea for which I'm partly responsible. At least I admitted it now, eh?)

What phrase should be look towards selling off to the highest bidder then? "We're all in this together" seems to have lost more credibility with every passing nano-second so that's out. "Compassionate Conservative" joins "Quiet Bat People" in the lexicon of the clinically insane. What about "be careful what you wish for"? That could be the 2015 manifesto title. "Party Chairman Grant Shapps, there, holding up the Conservative Manifesto, '"Be Careful What You Wish For", it's cover showing Nick Clegg in a car with the windows slightly ajar and the engine running, hint hint."

Regular readers will know that I'm somewhat fond of the ongoing process of reducing the size of the Commons, as I see it without all the nanny goat bleating from the benches opposite. "Gerrrrrymandering!" they....bleat, I suppose....like so many of those people who stand outside shopping centres handing out pocket sized leaflets entitled 'Let's Think About Jesus;.  Only in this case it's "Let's Listen to Ed Balls", for which there can be no greater punishment for committing any of sins for which Christianity has cobbled together over the years. I admit that the boundary review has turned into a pile of arseache, with Nick Clegg gambling on acting tough on the one subject matter 90% of the general population don't care if he acts tough about or not. You see, I'm not that obsessed about equalising constituency sizes to think that it's the first topic of conversation at the Cricketer's Arms, no matter how many times I try to shoehorn it into whichever debate is ensuring amongst the barflies. And trust me on this, I've had a punch swung at me for daring to suggest that black holes might exist, it's a tough crowd.

In his pursuit of the one constitutional reform which benefits his party the most (....well, second most, there's still an in-built Labour bias in the system due to First Past the Post but let's not meander along that cul-de-sac),  Cameron is in the territory marked 'at least he tried'. No assists, no goals - he could be the Stewart Downing of politics. Now there's a phrase I know won't be trademarked.