Monday, June 06, 2011

C-Notice

My mother passed away last week, and doubtlessly she would be appalled at the subject matter of this blog. That said, she always felt writing on-line always ensured the author was one paragraph away from a broadsheet's newsdesk, meaning everything must surely balance out.

The four-letter C-word which is most offensive is matter for discourse after the Mail on Sunday created (in the sense of inventing something from scratch) one of their classic front page stories. Put together the BBC, liberals, non-British nationals and the breakdown in society and you produce classic MoS flabbergasted outrage.

As you may have noticed, the MoS don't just reproduce the joke at the centre of the outrage, they also make it very clear that Sandi Toksvig didn't actually use the word itself. In common with every comedian, comedy writer and funny woman in history, she used innuendo and implication. The line in full? The Coalition put the "n" into "cuts". Hilarious, no?

BBC-bashing removed, the MoS have nothing else but froth and nonsense sprayed across the front page. It must be like helping an elderly former General, working at the Mail, never knowing when an innocent subject would set him off, spewing hate across the room without warning, leaving a poor care assistant to spend the evening wiping spittle off the Union Flag jigsaw puzzle. "How was I to know it was upside down?"

The word in question, all four letters of it, is at the top of broadcasting watchdog's naughty swears list. For British viewers who must assume that the list no longer exists, it's still pretty much taboo to say it. Chris Morris got knuckles wrapped for just putting the word in an on-screen graphic. It's common to hear "fuck" and "shit" and "twat" all over the channels after 9pm - or at first thing in the morning if you've fallen asleep without turning off the Thick Of It DVD. The most holy of holy words (or if you prefer, hole-y, innuendo fans), is still only present very rarely. American viewers may never hear it at all on their television programmes (indeed, US audiences are always left bemused at just how much swearing, and inventive swearing at that, features uncensored on British TV.)

Any A-level student worth their salt should recognise the word as one used without much red-faced embarrassment across centuries by writers who could tiptoe (not pussy foot, come on now) around the Monks and printing presses. The Oxford English Dictionary has this from the year 1400:

In wymmen þe necke of þe bladdre is schort, & is maad fast to the cunte.


Chaucer, famously, would utilise all manner of alterations to the word - Kent, at one point, making the Wife of Bath seem more well travelled than first thought - and let us not forget "chamber of Venus" while we're at it. If you want real emphasis with your swears, there's also this 19th Century construction:

He‥became in fact *cunt-struck upon her.



and this from a publication called "Romance of Lust".

As the very good blog "No Sleep 'Til Brooklands" says, this entire article is much fuss about exactly nothing. Radio 4 is not CBBC, nor is The News Quiz soft and fluffy family fun. When Alan Coren was a regular team captain, he was just as rude and raucous. Maybe Sandi has the misfortune of being female, and therefore automatically handicapped in the mind of your average Mail journo? Doubtlessly they hated Sarah Lund for not looking after her son properly. These Danes! Nothing but trouble since they landed here, what have we been told about immigration?

Having been brought up without much swearing in the house from either parent, my introduction to any naughty word was at school, and limited in any case to suppressed giggles wrapped around them. I will always remember being ticked off for using "twatted" - in the context of "being hit" - which I used knowing it to be controversial. I tend now to utilise them as and when needed. There's always times and places for using "shyte", which is always better with a northern accent behind it. For this fake front-page splash, the Mail have generated outrage where none is justified - the word was not used, only implied, and if the world of Carry On... movies or Blackpool's saucy postcards are acceptable for their peculiarly outdated world, then so can this.

If you want to go anywhere else to learn about the joyous little world, I can move you towards the BBC Two language programme 'Balderdash and Piffle', where Germaine Greer analysed the history of it with characteristic vigour.

I apologise to my mum for using such terms, of course, though having also used it to bash the damned Mail I'm sure she understands.