Sunday, January 11, 2009

Championing the future without understanding of the past

Whispers of doubt clutter the train of thought. Faces in the crowd turn, ever so slightly, eyes subtle in their meaning...But it is all noticed. The language of no words.

Following from yesterday, the memory now turns to other person, who now features in my life only as a name on an orange box which appears on an instant messaging programme we never use to instantly message each other. The main issue with other person comes from me, naturally enough. The whole episode can be seen in my mind, as clear as a reconstructed crime scene, or highlights from a late-night drama with a cult following but generally low viewing figures. Analysis of the scene has been such over the months - and in the context of modern events, it really should not be subjected to much more than a cursory glance - has resulted in a sense of an external viewing, a perspective outside my own.

Other person is just one name lost in time, I must concede. "Issues" is a label thrown around these days as commonly as "fantastic" and "literally". On this point, actually, I recall being told a story involving the mother of a friend of mine, who did not seemed concerned that her daughter was being "literally eaten alive" by bugs on a holiday abroad. Not for the first time, I digress...

With reference to more contemporary concerns, I bit my tongue when confidence on the matter ran away with me. I am more comfortable, in one way, seeing persons from the past on the fringes, filling in their thoughts and opinions, reading the situations through silence. My understanding of being Piscean, insofar as it matters at all, validates my behaviour in this regard. These are the peculiarities of my character regardless of astrology. Respecting the past, almost to an evangelical degree, but not yet able to return to writing in my diary, which rests now dust-covered under a growing detritus of newspapers, photographs, letters. Unlike the bitter old socialists, who carry themselves as walking time capsules, I have managed to marry (balance, perhaps, is more accurate) anecdotes with attitudes. This should see me through, no matter how much I have to bite my tongue.